You are probably thinking about giving this one person a chance or you think you need advice from someone out there that you could use. I am no expert in relationships but I have used the following notes in my dating and relationship life and for what’s worth, it has worked. If you love to use your mind a lot in all aspects of life, this will definitely work for you, if you haven’t tried to involve the mind, you will learn from what am going to say and you will surely improve your relationship with your mate.
Let’s get to it.
There are different types of empathy and all of these apply in the relationship state of life and I will explain them here so that you understand well how you should treat your partner for your relationship to be successful.
This is the ability to share what the other person (your partner) might be feeling. This has it’s side effect but it can build your relationship if used well. Use it well by concentrating and listening carefully to what your partner is going through or how they feel. This can be dangerous if you try to bring back the situation to yourself. Here is an example of what I mean. Let’s say your partner is going through a financial challenge, try to say something like, you did all you could so if this low comes in, don’t blame it on yourself. Don’t jump out on how you can solve the problem because, the bank can too. First try to imagine how he feels, and be in it with him.
This kind is where you are able to understand what your partner is feeling. This deals a lot more with the mind. It involves happiness through smiling, laughing, being joyful. For example when your partner wins at something, don’t just say congratulations and pretend like it happens every day. Embrace the moment and be happy with him, you may choose to treat him to dinner. It might look small to you but not everyone does it.
Understand it when your man is at his low. Don’t be there making calls with your girlfriends planning on heading out to a night club at midnight when your man is down. Be there with him just like how you would want him to be there for you. I totally get that you might not agree with me here but that’s why they say relationships are hard, you have to be willing to be selfless and sacrifice all the good things for the one you love or vice versa.
Has your man ever been hurt and made you remember the time you got hurt in the same way, that feeling? That is compassionate empathy. How would you want your man to be when you are hurt or down? That’s how you should be to him when he is hurt or down. This involves you being kind, honest, nice, generous and faithful. This is where I have the right to say that if you don’t want something to be done to you, then don’t let yourself do it to anyone else (your man). Kindness always wins this game of relationships.
So, be empathetic towards your man and you won’t regret the outcome. It’s just a matter of thinking before you act.
2. Mind your mindset.
Have a benefit mindset (positive). In a beneficial mindset, we do what we do beyond our benefit. We believe that the only way we have to make things right with the people we live with or love is, doing good.
There are 3 different types of mindset.
The fixed mindset that makes you believe that things can’t change, the growth mindset that makes you think that things can change only because of you and for you and then, there is the beneficial mindset that makes you consider other people while making a change in every aspect of life. How does this apply in relationships, you ask? When your girls call late at night and you head out, do you consider the impact it has on your relationship and everyone else involved in it?
The mindset doesn’t come naturally, it comes out of habit. What you think about the most is what you will do and what you do always is what becomes a habit. So, are you training your mind to do good to your partner, to help him, to forgive him when he does a mistake? Do you solve a problem with him without blaming it on him in case it comes up? All this is something you have to train your mind to do.
Train your mind to trust beyond feelings, to conquer through the hardship of your relationships, to love your partner and be satisfied with his love for you. Train it to understand and think before it speaks out. Make your mind understand that you are two different people with different backgrounds and are trying to make one think possible, Your relationship. When you whole heartedly practice that, guess what! That’s what starts to happen.
3. Act on your failures.
Have you ever done anything wrong before? Did you get caught? Women, let me tell you something that will save your relationship for a really long time. NEVER FAIL YOURSELF TWICE. Did you know that by the time you are caught doing something unpleasant, you have done it more than once and men know this too? It doesn’t necessarily have to be cheating (which I know is on your mind right now), it could be lying, being untrustworthy (you know your failures) or failing to control your anger. Just work on it, of course you will know this when you have acted irrational by bringing up all your mood-swings to your tired boyfriend or fiancé. And, this brings me to the point of communication.
Failure to communicate is one think that has distorted relationships. You have to understand that your man is no angel. You don’t expect him to be (or give) you what you want when he doesn’t know what you want. Every one fails and that’s what makes us human but that’s not exactly the problem. The problem is ignoring our failures. If you work on them, you will enjoy the healthy fruits of a relationship.
PS: Don’t drain yourself too hard on a relationship, if you do all the above and your partner isn’t making an effort, then be the queen that you have always been and go get yourself an amazing man. Never settle for less. If you get a good one, make an effort to keep him.
In the comment section below, mention your opinion about the advice I gave you. Also, if you have any questions, feel free to ask because I want you to live the relationship life I’d like you too. I will be glad to listen from you.