Should I be friends with my ex? No, you shouldn’t and this is why.

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I don’t know what reason you have for being friends with your ex but I know you are confused right now and that should be reason enough not to be friends with him. If you have ever made friends before, did you ask yourself whether you should be friends with them or not? NO, you didn’t. It is a mistake that most people make and that’s why they are always unhappy. Being friends with your ex will hurt you more than the break up.

Sometimes you think you are being mature and nice but you aren’t. You still have feelings for him and so putting him in the friend zone makes you comfortably uncomfortable than just letting him go. You shouldn’t be friends with your ex and this is exactly why.

1. You won’t move on.

Research says that it is likely to take you more time to get over your ex than the time you were dating. I don’t know if this makes sense to you but le t me simplify it for you. If you dated for 9 months, you are likely to take more than 9 months to get over your ex.

So, if you want to remain friends with him you are adding to the 9 months of not getting over him easily, you are making other memories again that you aren’t likely to get out of. Genuinely peaking, unless you want to remain in the game of being your ex’s back up you need to face the truth and let him go.

2. You’ll always think that they want you back.

Men are not as emotional as women. When we break up, we get through war in the first days of the break up. The first three, six, nine months are always a battle field and then we become fine later. When it comes to men, they don’t feel a lot of hurt in the first days, it catches up with them later.

This means that you are friends with them because you don’t have as more feelings as you had when you were dating. It is vice versa with them. Men can be confused about what they want most times and when you stay around them in those times, they will pull moves on you and you will think they want you back. Guess where we are going back to? Behind.

3. You are lying to yourself.

You are friends socially, but mentally, psychologically and physically, you aren’t. Look at this, when you are single and searching, every man you see that is potential gets your attention, you start imagining how you would look together, right?

So, how do you wake up one day break up with this person, then get back as friends and you expect life to be normal with them around? Unless the meaning of ex has changed, you can never concentrate on your new lives properly if you involve the past in it and not just any past. Past relationships.

4. Jealous and Insecurity.

One of you is likely to move on before the other, it is the truth. Whether it takes you years but eventually they will have to move on and this will kill you if he moves on before you. This is not because you are a bad person, it is because you are human. We never want to lose.

It is the truth that if he introduces someone to you, you are likely to think that it is not serious or scared that it might be serious and you think about how he will be taking her to the places you went to together, introduce her to his friends and family. It is just emotionally bothering.

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5. Mixed feelings.

You will always think that there is a chance for both of you. This is not someone that you just met on the streets and became friends with. This is someone that promised to love you and protect you for the rest of his life. You probably said the same things to him.

Consciously, the mind is used to his voice saying those words, it is used to him. You can’t pretend that you have no feelings for him at all. They will always have a place at your heart as long you are still near them. So be strong and stay far away.


6. You won’t break from the pain.

Have you ever had something you love so close but you can not touch it? Hurting, right? Yeah, that is what you will always feel every time you meet your ex. You know this whole ex thing is not just emotional, it is more of mental. You got your mind used to smiling, kissing and hugging every time you saw this person and now, it is just a peck and a hug or not.

Your mind will always want you to go ahead because that is what it is used to. You will be likely to be in a fight in your heart every time you meet your ex. And that’s a whole long wrong war.

7. You will never be “Just” friends

It wasn’t a one-night stand. You can be friends with someone you had a one-night stand with but this is someone You had sex with every chance you got, you were so intimate with each other like all 24/7 through and that is what you will always first see when you meet them.

Questions like ‘what happened to us?’ will always come up and that’s when you will really know that you should have thought twice about being friends with him after your break up.

8. Exes don’t advise.

Am not trash talking your ex but he will never genuinely advise you when you have a relationship problem going on in your life. First of all, it will be weird for you to ask and second, if the advice they are giving you be right, then why didn’t they use it on you to make everything right with you in the first place.

Friends advise, exes don’t. MOVE ON.

9. Who is the back up, you or him?

No one is judging you here but you are likely to be his back up every time he is desperate sexually. It takes some effort to get a new girl to bed but it is just a phone call away from you. It is common, 90% of exes always meet up for sex when there is need for it but it never ends well.

So, instead of devaluing yourself to that extent why don’t you park up your bags and go get yourself new friends.

10. Your current relationship suffers.

How would you feel if your man introduced a very pretty girl as their ex and then said ‘this is my friend Lora and he is also my ex’ Oh I Can see that fake smile all over your face. This is exactly how you will make his current girlfriend feel and this how your current boyfriend feels.

People don’t trust exes because no one knows your story except you two, no one knows how close you were and how close you are right now. Your current boyfriend or fiancé will never tell you how insecure he feels about your ex but you should know that, it is not fine.

11. They broke your heart.

I don’t know if you know the meaning of friends but friends are supposed to be there for each other, they care and love each other. Are you ready to do that for your ex? Do you think that the person who was not afraid to hurt you will care for you and be there for you through thick and thin? The most genuine answer to these questions is NO. So, let’s keep it that way.


I don’t know what choice you will make but I want you to keep in mind that you are beautiful and valuable. Beating yourself about being friends with someone you broke up with, is like gluing a broken glass. It can never be the same and it will always show that it was once broken.
So, ‘Miss moving on’ keep on the road.

If you have any questions or experiences about being friends with your ex, share with us your story and I’ll be here to advise you and chat with you about it.

I’ll be glad to hear from you.

14 thoughts on “Should I be friends with my ex? No, you shouldn’t and this is why.

  1. Hi Brendah,

    I totally agree that once you have broken up you need to be BROKEN up. I’m not saying you should be horrible to each other, but there is always some weirdness, jealousy, sexual tension or awkwardness present. It might not happen to start with, but it will rear its head when a new partner is on the scene or when alcohol is involved.

    1. Alcohol! Tom, that’s the most dangerous part of the story. You wouldn’t want to drink with your “friendly ex” around. You know, I’d rather be honest with myself and move like everybody else.

  2. Great article and I agree, you definitely can’t be friends with your ex, especially if he was the one to break it off with you, as you will be hoping that he will take you back. If it was the other way around, he could be hoping that you will change your mind.

    It is better to get a clean break and start over. Why on earth would one want to stay friends anyway? What is over is definitely over.

    1. Michel I feel your attitude towards not being friends with your ex from here. You know, mine was a long distance relationship and every time he texted that he is in the country and would like to see me I’d feel like, you know something great is going to happen and then it all gets awkward. I expected more than being hurt but that’s all I got. I decided to face it. Stopped myself from accepting his invites and from there, I moved on. That’s why I don’t support that kind of friendship.

  3. This is an interesting article you have here!  I agree fully – stay away from the ex.  They’re an ex for a reason, no?  The tips you offer are very relevant and hopefully, the right people read your post for help and encouragement!  I think the one tip that I agree with the most is the one discussing the fact that your current relationship will suffer.  That’s true – and is it really worth it?  Cheers!

  4. I think in most cases it’s best to just move on. There are a few where a friendship with an ex might work, but even then it would still need time. I’m talking about the span of a few months at the very least. But in most circumstances, being friends won’t help and I’ve seen so many instances where people have tried this, dated other people, dated again, broke up, and continued on the same, destructive path. I personally don’t stay friends with exes; in fact, I haven’t even spoken to them since a break up. 

    1. Hey Todd, you see. psychology says that it might take you more time than you dated to get over your ex. This means that if you dated for 3 years, it might take you more than 3 years to move on perfectly from your ex. And this is because you bring up things like friendship, stalking and overthinking about them. So, to reduce the time, you must get rid of all that. I learnt a lesson too.

  5. Thank you for your post. I agree with you that you should not be with you ex after breaking up.

    If you break up, this means that you both made final decision not to be a couple any more. At this point, both need to move forward with your loving life. Loving life is a very complicate process and very private which doesn’t allow mixture of old and new relationship. Separation allows you to have time to go over the relationship and prepares you for a new relationship.

    I certainly agree with all your points in your post and Thank you for spending your precious time to summarize this valuable information.

    1. Anthony am glad you took sometime to read the article. I can relate with most of the points above. Actually I have heard friends who have failed to date because they hope that they get back with their ex since they are still friends. Being friends with your ex keeps you confused and that’s why we should avoid it. Thanks.

  6. I couldn’t agree more with you. Being friends with your ex makes zero sense. Unless you make clean ties you won’t be able to get over him properly and move on. For some reason so many people think it’s possible to become just friends, however, you can’t undo what already was done. If you’ve had a romantic relationship with a man you can’t undo it. It will always be there. I’ve had to convince so many of my friends! It’s an ongoing fight with many of them:) 

    1. Rose that is exactly what am talking about. People pretend that you sit down with your ex and talk like normal friends. It is impossible to keep up with. One way or another the reality will hit in and things will start to fall apart. Your friends should just give up and move on. It’s what it is.

  7. Hi Brendah

    These are some wise tips on why you shouldn’t get back with your ex. Personally, I haven’t been in a situation where I would consider getting back with an ex. Once it’s over, it’s over!

    I guess for some it can be really hard, especially if you’ve been together for many years. There’s a lot of emotional baggage involved which you’ve mentioned can really mess with you mentally. And women being women, we are created to be more emotional than men!

    Thanks for the insight

    Teresa

    1. Hello Teresa, I totally understand that most of us hope that we shall get back our exes and so we try to play friends with them and that pushes us back to getting hurt and all that comes with it. That’s why I’d rather use this time to focus on me.

      Thanks.

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